Monthly Archives: February 2014

No Good Deed… Week 20

Today, with the knowledge of everything I am going through…
                        someone said to me…
                                   no good deed goes unpunished.

And I thought… that can’t be true.

Give more, get more… right?

I have had so many negatives this week, that my week started being about sitting to make the negatives into positives. Being grateful for the negative… and trying to see past the negatives.

eleanorI have a friend who has been hurting me consistently, more and more each time we talk, contacting my friends and family, telling lies that she believes to be true and I need to distance myself from her.

I teach people how to treat me and I have been allowing her to treat me badly. I have been letting her consume my time and my energy and then she wants more.

I am afraid that I may be burnt out. Others have told me they are burnt out and can’t or wont help her and that she has burned bridges with them.

I understand.

She says I don’t do enough for her. I have done a lot. I will do less and see if that helps. I know trying to do as much as I have been doing has been killing me and it has not helped her at all.

I have had a blessing in this. A mutual friend has reached out and offered to help… although I am not sure there is anything either one of us can do at this point. Environmental toxins in her body need to be detoxed. That is the only answer.

She is toxic. She is abusive toward me. I need to remove myself as much as possible.

She has sent messages to business associates and she even called my mother to ask my mother to tell me to take this blog down. And those are just a couple of things I know about.

Funny, through all of this… I realize she is toxic and it is not her fault what she does… and I still want to help her. “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” Luke 23:34

praySo, as the abuse continued into today, I thought… how did I attract this?

Which is true?

No good deed goes unpunished?


Give more, get more.

I am true to my word. I tell the truth and I live in truth. I know that I have done everything possible to help this woman and that if she refuses to help herself there is very little that I can do.

I can do little more than pray at this point.

I have to come to terms that if she chooses not to help herself… I cannot help her any more.

If she chooses to slander my good name… that is something I will have to live with. I have learned from this experience. I have learned more than I bargained for… and I continue to learn.

I will not stop helping people because of this.

I learn. I give. I get. I am grateful for my lessons.

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Homes for Healing Week 19

rolexI hate being late.  My ex was late for everything and it used to drive me batty!

I am late with my blog for the first time in 20 weeks!

I am not proud of that…

I am owning up to my own mistake and I am going to do better this week.

I want to have my blog up by Thursday this week… just to be sure I am not late.

I started teaching myself how to use a video editing program called “After Effects” last week… and I was obsessed with getting a video done for my “Homes for Healing” fundraiser.

That’s no excuse, it’s just what happened.

I was up until 5:30 AM on Friday night into Saturday morning.  I was on a role with the video after a couple of weeks of kind of being stuck.  I had story boards, ideas and index cards… but it wasn’t until Friday that I started to get it all to come out into a video.

I worked hard on this project and I will continue to work on it until it becomes a reality!

Top 2 Revelations

compass#1 – One of the best things that has happened to me this week is my really taking responsibility for where I am in my life right now. I am where I am in my life because of everything I have done up to this point.

I have accomplished some pretty great things and I can be proud of that. I did the good and the bad! No one does anything to me… I am in charge. The subconscious or the compass is leading the way!

That’s huge!

Even bigger, but part of the same truth is: everything that has happened to me in the past… yep. I am responsible for that too. Good and bad. I made all that happen.

Sticking with this theme: I am responsible for what happens in the future! Yay!!!

#2 — I teach people how to treat me.

When other people treat me badly, it is because I am allowing that.

I have had a much better week because of that… and today, I told my 12 year old daughter that I teach people how to treat me… and she smiled. I think this is going to help our relationship. I hope it does.

It was liberating to realize that I have the ability to teach people to treat me better… and you know what? People are treating me better.

I am so grateful for the wonderful people in my life!

There are so many great people in my life, if you are reading this… you are one of them! Sending you love and happiness!

Which reminds me!

Watch the movie “Happy :)” It’s GREAT!

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I Am – Week 18

We were asked to watch one of two movies.  I chose “I Am” mostly because I had a link to watch it for free.

Tom Shadyac did a superb summary of what is wrong with this world, what is right with this world and what we can do about it.  Sharing, cooperation, collaboration… that is what we need more of in this world.

One of the delights of this movie for me was that David Suzuki was in the documentary… not because I am a huge fan, but because I didn’t know who he was until this morning… and I don’t believe in coincidences.

be a friendI was helping a fellow classmate with his blog (which came out fabulous – check out Mark’s Blog here) and he introduced me to David Suzuki as an environmentalist. He also showed me a friend’s blog… someone who has been building environmentally friendly housing for over 20 years.

Connections… Coincidences… or not?

I hope everyone has had the experience of thinking of an old friend or family member and then running into them for the first time in years… or they call out of the blue.

These are not coincidences… but connections.

The Law of Attraction in motion.

On Thursday, I had the great privilege to participate in a phone conference meant to bring people together who are all working on providing housing to those who have been environmentally injured. There were seven of us invited who are in various stages in our individual projects.

make your goals so bigWhat a gift to be able to share and collaborate. I am I overjoyed with gratitude for the opportunity to meet these people who are walking a similar path and aligned with a similar definite major purpose as my own. I felt such connection with approximately 70 people I have never met before…

As the conference was ending, I was counting my blessings and feeling so thankful…

And the phone rang.

It was a classmate from the MKMMA course, Kristina Jackson who I was looking forward to connecting with.

What a gift connecting with her was! Thank you Carolynn for suggesting we meet! Thank you Kristina for calling… our conversation was a huge help to me. You have done what I am just beginning to do… that is awesome!

I truly am blessed with connections, with people who care, and with life events that may not always seem like blessings… but they always end up being blessings.

Everything happens for a reason!

This week was particularly tough for me because my father was in the hospital since Wednesday because he was having chest pains. They did many tests and determined it is not his heart… but they don’t know what it is that is causing the sharp pains he is having.

My husband had similar sharp pains that sent him to the hospital twice in 2011. The doctors could never figure out what it was… but they determined it was not his heart.

In our case, it was mold in our house.

Since then, I have talked to a toxicologist who says 100% of heart disease is fungal related. I have read several papers that say mold and mycotoxins can cause chest pains.

My father was not open to looking into this earlier this week. I was having a hard time dealing with that… until I let go. I gave myself permission to love my father no matter what he decided to do about his health…

And then, something magical happened.

My father said he would see a doctor that I choose. A doctor that will look into the mold and mycotoxin aspect of health. A doctor that specializes in “Functional Medicine.”

Monday cannot come soon enough so I can get him an appointment. It is time a good health advocate focuses on getting Grampa well so he can spend more quality years with his grandchildren!

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What a Week! Week 17HJ

I’ve learned that I am not invincible.

busy loving peopleAs much as I would like to be able to do anything… I have my limits.

Because of the toxic mold poisoning I survived, my body has become uber sensitive to toxic molds. Particularly the mold we had astronomical amounts of in our home… Stachybotrys.

My friend Laura had a cat that was still at the house that she got sick in. We were trying to find a home for it… but couldn’t find anyone to take a 16 year old cat. Her ex was feeding the cat and giving him water for the past few weeks.

Then, he told her the cat was sick. I won’t go into details, but the cat was VERY sick. Someone had to get that cat to the vet. We couldn’t find anyone to do it. So I did it.

I went into the toxic house, got the cat, put it in a cat carrier, took it in my car to the vet… and told them what was going on. They were talking about treating the cat with medicine twice daily and nursing it back to health.

I explained to them that we did not have a safe home for the cat. It’s owner was rendered homeless because of the mold and by all rights, this cat should not be in that toxic house either. It was just going to get sicker.

As I was explaining this, my nose started to bleed. That got my point across… as I explained that this particular toxic mold causes nose bleeds, among other things.

stopI was sick for 2 days… and still am not 100%.

I’ve learned that I have to say no.

For obvious reasons, I have to learn to say no.

NO. I can’t go to __________ because I value my health.

NO. I don’t have time to help today because I have to attend to my priorities.

NO. Fill in the blank.

gal in the glassAs much as I like to help everyone. I can’t do it. When I help everyone… someone suffers and that someone is me.

I love myself too much to continue to short myself.

I’ve learned that I am important.

I am the most important person in my life.

Sure, I love my kids, my husband, my parents, my friends, I love A LOT of people.

I love myself more.

I greet this day with love in my heart… and most of all I love myself.

Where have I heard that before?

Og Mandino’s words ring loudly in my ears and like Pavlov’s dogs, I come to the calling.

I zealously inspect all things which enter my mind, my body, my soul and my heart…

I so enjoyed this week of looking back and revisiting lessons of prior weeks. It made me realize how far I have come. I have learned so much about myself, what drives me and what stops me. Nothing can stop me now.

“Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.” ~Romans 13:8

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