I’m working on it…
being master of my emotions, that is.
I am starting each day with a dose of “Happy” and sometimes a bit of “Everything is Awesome.”
I was sailing along, being productive, working toward goals and enjoying life… I got my blue rectangle on Friday and was happily working on my yellow square… right up until Wednesday afternoon.
I am not going to get into details about what upset my apple cart… but let’s just say the train derailed. I was a pile of emotions… emotions I had not come into contact with in ages.
I was crying uncontrollably, screaming into a pillow, shaking, crying some more, convulsing while crying… and I had a hard time pulling myself together when I had to go pick up my kids at school. My crying jag lasted about an hour and a half and at the end of it, I had a raging headache.
The outpouring of love and support I got from my friends and family members was a blessing I will never forget. I am one lucky woman to have people who love me, believe in me and know who I am in my heart. I would never hurt another person… and the people who know me would never believe someone who would say I would do something dishonest. It’s just not in my nature.
By bedtime, I settled in, did my nightly readings and did a 15 minute meditation. I decided that the best way to let go of what happened that day was to forgive the person who had wronged me.
I listened to an Abraham-Hicks video on “forgiveness” and I went to sleep saying the mantra, “I forgive her for she knows not what she does.” I forced a smile and I faded off to sleep.
I woke up to a vivid dream. I was riding in the back seat of a 1976 white Cadilac Eldorado with red interior. Much like the one the father of my children owned or still owns. I’m not sure who was driving, only that I was sitting in the back seat, all alone and we had driven into a long parking lot which was full, except for one spot way at the end. We got to that spot and the driver backed into the spot… but he overshot the lines of the parking spot and next thing I knew we were dangling over a cliff. I screamed, “DON’T BACK UP!!” I heard the engine… and we fell off the edge of the cliff.
I woke up laughing.
I thought, “Silly, Heather! You should have said… GO FORWARD!”
Immediately, my mind went back to the events which had crushed me the day before. And I thought… “GO FORWARD, NOT BACK!” My “subby” or subconscious was saving me!
Scroll V from the Greatest Salesman which we read every day for the month of February was embedded in my subconscious… and I was ready for a new day.
A special shout out to Roger Gauthier for commenting on a facebook status where I was reaching for help. He reminded me of what I need to do!
Heather, from last month scroll: “Can I relive the errors of yesterday and right them? Can I call back yesterday’s wounds and make them whole? Can I become younger than yesterday? Can I take back the evil that was spoken, the blows that were struck, the pain that was caused? NO. Yesterday is buried forever and I will think of it no more.” Again: “Yesterday is buried forever and I will think of it no more”.