No Good Deed… Week 20

Today, with the knowledge of everything I am going through…
                        someone said to me…
                                   no good deed goes unpunished.

And I thought… that can’t be true.

Give more, get more… right?

I have had so many negatives this week, that my week started being about sitting to make the negatives into positives. Being grateful for the negative… and trying to see past the negatives.

eleanorI have a friend who has been hurting me consistently, more and more each time we talk, contacting my friends and family, telling lies that she believes to be true and I need to distance myself from her.

I teach people how to treat me and I have been allowing her to treat me badly. I have been letting her consume my time and my energy and then she wants more.

I am afraid that I may be burnt out. Others have told me they are burnt out and can’t or wont help her and that she has burned bridges with them.

I understand.

She says I don’t do enough for her. I have done a lot. I will do less and see if that helps. I know trying to do as much as I have been doing has been killing me and it has not helped her at all.

I have had a blessing in this. A mutual friend has reached out and offered to help… although I am not sure there is anything either one of us can do at this point. Environmental toxins in her body need to be detoxed. That is the only answer.

She is toxic. She is abusive toward me. I need to remove myself as much as possible.

She has sent messages to business associates and she even called my mother to ask my mother to tell me to take this blog down. And those are just a couple of things I know about.

Funny, through all of this… I realize she is toxic and it is not her fault what she does… and I still want to help her. “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” Luke 23:34

praySo, as the abuse continued into today, I thought… how did I attract this?

Which is true?

No good deed goes unpunished?


Give more, get more.

I am true to my word. I tell the truth and I live in truth. I know that I have done everything possible to help this woman and that if she refuses to help herself there is very little that I can do.

I can do little more than pray at this point.

I have to come to terms that if she chooses not to help herself… I cannot help her any more.

If she chooses to slander my good name… that is something I will have to live with. I have learned from this experience. I have learned more than I bargained for… and I continue to learn.

I will not stop helping people because of this.

I learn. I give. I get. I am grateful for my lessons.

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26 thoughts on “No Good Deed… Week 20

  1. Carol Marsocci

    Heather, I went to your website to get information on how to do something, and of course, went right to your blog because I have learned from the past several months of your integrity and caring ways. I am so saddened to see what you are going through. You are truly a giver-, feel free to give me a call.

    1. Heather Post author

      Thanks so much for being there for me, Carol. I keep coming back to how did I do this to myself. And I don’t know how to fix it. It will come to me. Thank you.

  2. renee shatanoff

    There are people who choose to drag others down. They are in pain so they look to you as their confidant, rescuer, and savior. When you don’t meet their needs they strike back with lies, innuendo, and spite. You have a mission. You need all your strength and resolve to attain your true calling. Stay strong. Stay focused. Stay on track. Stay the course. Keep your vision/mission statement with you at all times. This will be your guide when/if someone/something is pulling at you. You can ask yourself, “if I give them what they need/want, will this help/hurt my vision/mission?”

    1. Heather Post author

      Thank you, Renee. Going back to the mission, for sure. Helping people like my friend is part of that mission… but not when it takes so much of me to do it. Going for a sit… that is what helps me. :)

  3. Geni Witt

    Our sits become the balm; not only a place to find peace, but answers. I’ve sometimes have had to take a step back from the helping…evaluating the process, and asking myself questions. Is the person wanting to take the ‘tools’ I’m offering and learn, grow, and improve themselves, or are they wanting me to do it all for them? As you contemplate their attitude it reveals much. Heather you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. Geni Witt

    This also makes me think of some of things Emerson discussed in his essay on Compensation…Do you remember what he said about receiving slander in the newspaper?

    1. Heather Plude

      I would LOVE to talk about Emerson’s law of Compensation with you! I do see where he talks of the newspaper… but not slander. He says, “I hate to be defended in a newspaper. As long as all that is said is said against me, I feel a certain assurance of success. But as soon as honeyed words of praise are spoken for me, I feel as one that lies unprotected before his enemies. In general, every evil to which we do not succumb is a benefactor.” Is this what you mean?

  5. Larry Ashcraft

    Heather–I will greet this day with love in my heart. Sometimes this love comes in the form of “tough love”. We heard a message once where the man was doing all he could do to show love & help, etc. Finally the Lord sent him a distinct message to say: “If you will get out of the way, I can do my work in this person.” Prayer is powerful & the sits can help you encounter this situation with love in your heart rather than frustration & bitterness. Forgiveness is also key—unforgiveness only breeds negative thoughts & bitterness. Will pray for you & your friend.

  6. DrBobg

    Heather, that’s a tough one. You will be in my prayers. You have been totally giving in respect to me.
    One of my mentors said that sometimes you have to change your friends or change your friends. It took me a little time to figure that one out. Good luck.

    1. Heather Post author

      Thanks Bob~ Prayers help more than anything else… besides sits. Sits help a lot. :)

      I definitely agree with what your mentor said! Great advice. I am feeling great about moving on. I have such good friends. Holding onto such a toxic friendship was not working for me!

  7. Valeska Harraud

    Heather, you are the embodiment of a loving and caring heart with a mission to be of great service to those WHOSE CHOICES HAVE RESULTED IN CONDITIONS NOT TO THEIR LIKING. All of us are 100% creators of our lives. We have the skills to change those conditions. Some of those conditions resulted from decisions and choices wherein our understanding was incorrect or incomplete. The fact remains that they are our creation, the direct result of our choices and decisions. This is true for your friend. This is true for you. Her Hero’s Journey is not yours. What is happening with her clearly demonstrates the power of GRATITUDE as CAUSE, and how lack of gratitude is also a cause.
    Your generous heart pours out great treasure. As a sailor friend of mine says, it’s when there’s a little blood on the deck that the ride gets most exciting. I can hardly wait to see what develops! :)

    1. Heather Plude

      Very true, Valeska. It’s a good reminder that her choices brought her to where she is. I have done everything I possibly can and then some. Now, I pray. I continue with my life, my mission. Today IS a good day. :)

  8. Carolynn Sokil

    Heather, I add the saying “you can give a man a fish and he will eat for a day – or you can teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime” Nothing new I’m sure. You are an angel working to help others. You not only give them the fist to tide them over while you attempt to teach them to fish, you buy the fishing rod, set up the fish hut, hand them the bait, bait the hook, and sit there to encourage them while the bobber does nothing in the water. However, sometimes you need to go take care of you and allow them to sit in the fish hut by themselves. They may stay and watch the bobber, waiting for the fish to bite or they may leave the hut and go sit at an arena waiting for someone to give them free fish again – bottom line is that you can ‘lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink’ Have faith that you have truly done everything you can. Allow the universe to take over and this person’s own dharma to step in. There are other mouths to feed and teach and there are other horses to lead. Have faith in your vision.

    1. Heather Plude

      What a clever way to look at the situation, Carolynn! I pray she continues to fish… and I not judge if I see her leaving the hut looking for more free fish. I will continue to pray for her healing and continue with my life’s purpose in joy and with enthusiasm!

  9. Karen S

    Heather, I am at a loss for words, but know that if we don’t take care of ourselves we have nothing left to give anyone else. … Sending you blessings.

  10. Sandra OWen

    I could see in your face last week how much you care and want to help. You have NOTHING to reproach yourself for. When your own health and well being are in danger, like everyone else here, I too think there comes a point where you just have to put the oxygen mask on yourself! When your friend is feeling better she will be grateful for your strength. You are a beautiful person and your loving spirit shines brightly for all to see.

    1. Heather Plude

      Thank you, Sandra. Sometimes when things are not going well, I don’t want to bring everyone else down. You all had such great insight… and still do. I am so grateful for all of you! And that Abraham-Hicks video you sent? You have me HOOKED! Loving the videos on youtube. :) Love and light… moving forward.

  11. Peggy

    Heather, when I first read this, I really didn’t know what to say. All I can say, is you’ve done your very best. Perhaps now it is best to step aside, and give it to the Lord. ((HUG)) Take care of your health. And it is kind of you to let folks know that your friend is suffering from the toxins she was exposed to. Someday she will realize how much you cared and tried to help.

    1. Heather Plude

      Thanks, Peggy! I appreciate you. I can’t express all the gratitude in my heart with words… Hugging back and receiving your kind words. And most of all, letting go and letting God.

  12. Jason Parachnowitsch

    Wow … I’m not sure what’s more impressive, your wonderful open comments about your struggle, and having the clarity to know how to fix it. Or all the wonderful comments from people who clearly care and appreciate you. You know what to do Heather, remember knowledge doesn’t apply itself :) Thanks for sharing this !!!

    1. Heather Post author

      Thank you, Jason. I struggled with writing this… then with keeping it up. It’s great to get the support I have. I pray everyone has the support they need. You know what I mean? Onward and upward! :)

  13. Sue B

    Heather, you are a wonderful, supportive, whole-hearted woman, and you cannot be harmed for doing the right thing. You’re in good company, there are many in the history of man who have been maligned for doing what is good and right. Stand strong, know that you are loved, and you are protected by a loving Father, who also loves this woman. She will learn. You remain complete and whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy! It’s who you always are, and those qualities cannot be taken from you!

    1. Heather Post author

      Thanks, Sue! I love you. You are such a kind person and you always say something that helps, even in difficult situations. When you were hurting on Saturday, I wanted so badly to know the “right” thing to say… and I was at a loss. I know we will meet someday… and I will give you the big hug I wanted to give you at that moment… and again at this moment! So that’s 2 hugs. :)


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